You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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