I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
