pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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