I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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