Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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