I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's like heaven, but drunker
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
