I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
