don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
