his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
