Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
