we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
