you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
