Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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