Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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