You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
