I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
