the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
