as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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