Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize