my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
