if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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