i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
