i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
