I think my vagina is haunted
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
