stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
