Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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