A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
