we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
