when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
