My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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