On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
