i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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