I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
