Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
