Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
