Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
