Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
