Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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