Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
