They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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