A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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