An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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