My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I could make wine with my vomit
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
