that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
