You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
