the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
