And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
