Im at strip club and am horny
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
