need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
