I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
