whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
