Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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