yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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