I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
