I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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