just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
