she woke up with a sticky ear
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
