Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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