i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
