My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
