She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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