bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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