Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
