Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
