Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
