This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
