Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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