The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
