C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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