my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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