I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I FOUND THE LEGS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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